Episode 005
This week on the podcast we discussed in more depth a principle that we had talked about in a past blog post: https://raisingconfidentteens.com/2019/06/07/closed-mouths-dont-get-fed. I have been doing this more consciously recently, and have been amazed at the results. If you have a goal and can work together with someone to get it accomplished, take a chance and ask! This is one of the biggest confidence boosting things that you can do. Are you any worse off for asking? If you don’t ask, that’s an automatic “No.” The fear of being rejected often cripples us so much that it keeps us from our purpose. Most people are not the scary monsters that we make them out to be in our heads. Many people would love to help, especially if you ask politely and you consider what you can offer them in return. No matter what their answer is, always treat them graciously.
How does this apply to you? Be willing to apply for the job or the internship. (Act like a professional when you do it. That’s a subject for another day.) Ask your cell phone provider for a lower rate. So many times we just think that we have to accept whatever the offer is, but I know people who have gotten their cell, utilities, car payments, and mortgage loan rates lowered just by asking. Ask that person you like out on a date. If you are struggling with a concept, ask your teacher for help. Be willing to take a risk. When you start making it a habit, you will realize it really isn’t that scary after all.
If you like the show, please review us on your podcaster of choice! Feedback, ideas for topics and guest appearances are always welcome at podcast@raisingconfidentteens.com.
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Transcript of Episode
Episode Five – Open Your Mouth
Hudon
Welcome to the Be Daring podcast! I’m your host Hudson, and I’m joined by my co-hosts Keith and Rachel, also known as Mom and Dad. On today’s show we were talking about how closed mouths don’t get fed.
Rachel
Alright, just checking in here seeing how everybody’s week’s gone.
Had a good week Hudson?
Hudon
Yeah
Keith
It’s been all right.
Rachel
We had excitement at our house earlier this week, we took Rebecca, to get her wisdom teeth pulled.
Hudson
Videos to follow.
Rachel
Yes, we have a very funny video that we’ll be posting hopefully shortly. Hope you guys will enjoy that.
Keith
With her approval.
Rachel
Yeah, she’s fine with it, so it’ll be a wonderful laugh for your week. Yes, like Hudson said today we are talking about the phrase “Closed mouths don’t get fed”. And this saying I had never heard of before a couple of years ago. One of my mentors that I learned from, Nicole Walters, she says this all the time. And so we have really been focusing on opening up our mouths and saying what we need or saying what we want and just putting it out there and seeing what happens. What does that mean, “closed mouths don’t get fed?
Hudon
It means that if you don’t ask for what you want, you’re not gonna get it.
Rachel
Right, because if no one knows you want it….
Hudson
It’s not gonna happen.
Rachel
Yeah, but will you always get what you want?
Hudson
No
Rachel
No, but are you any worse, off than you were before?
Hudson
No
Rachel
No. If they say “no”, you are in the exact same spot you were before you asked, right? So we have a couple of examples of… We’ve recently been doing this more and just seeing what happens. We’ll start with some smaller examples.
The other day we were at a chain restaurant, and I had a coupon that wasn’t for their location – it was for a different location, and I just said to the waitress “Can I use this coupon here?” And she was like, “Yeah”.
And this may be … you may laugh at me ’cause I’m such a rule-follower, but a few years ago, I would have never asked because I would be like the coupon says what location it is, and this is not one of the locations. I would have never even asked. I got a free sandwich out of it.
Hudson
So it was like free money.
Rachel
Yeah, so that’s just a small example. We’ve had quite a few other examples, a couple of years ago, Hudson decided that he wanted to buy himself a go-cart.
Hudson
So I’ve been looking for a while and I saved up some money, for a couple of years, and I called a guy about a go-cart and it was way out of my price range, and I’m like…
Keith
Do you remember what he was asking?
Hudson
Three fifty ($350). I am like… I’m Hudson and I’m ten and I had… What’s the lowest you will go. I have 200 dollars, which I should never say and he’s like…I’ll seell it to for $150. And then Dad called.
Keith
Which I thought was rather strange, right? I had Hudson call because I was trying to get him to learn to do these things, but it was… it kind of sounded like a weird situation and I kinda wanted to feel it out.
So I called the guy up and talk to him when I called, he said, I was so impressed with your son that I’m actually gonna give it to him for free and I was just like… And I was just like blown away that was awesome.
Rachel
Right, so we went, we started at 350 and if he had asked us if he should call and ask that guy, actually, I think he did ask us
Keith
He did, yeah. And we kinda discouraged him to be honest.
Rachel
You can’t offer someone $200 when they’re asking 350 ’cause that’s the way it’s almost insulting. Yeah, but he called them anyway, which that’s another story but he called him anyway, and offered 200, which in retrospect, maybe it turned out good that you said you only had 200. Because normally, as an adult, we couldn’t do that ’cause the person would know exactly what we had in our hand, what we were holding.
But if you talked to Hudson and after that happened, oh my word. His confidence went through the roof, right? He was on cloud nine walking around for days. And then you went and picked up the go-cart.
Keith
In the rain.
Rachel
Yeah, it was in another….
Keith
It was an hour away.
Rachel
And then you brought it back, and then you totally tore that thing apart and did all kinds of work on it.
Hudson
Well, so I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with it, so I took it to a guy and he charged and he charged me $200 when I could just bought a whole new engine, and it would have only been 100, so… So I kinda got a cheated on that one.
Keith
Well, you learned a lot.
Rachel
And you ended up selling it for what you put into it, so you really didn’t lose any money, it was a good experience, right?
And that started his love of small engine stuff and he ….. after that he bought,
Keith
You bought several go-carts, right?
Hudson
Yeah
Keith
And then you moved on to atvs. At the time we had some acreage and he was wanting to ride around on the land, which was cool, but we couldn’t afford to get a decent enough atv. Now I remember one time, so we’re out there and I’m saw milling – I’m milling and a… he’s going around the field except he would go like half way around. And then it would break down and he would get off and work on it for a while, then he would go a little further… And then he would break down again, and he’d get off and I don’t even know what was wrong – what I don’t remember. Do you remember that?
Rachel
So that started the whole process of him learning about small engines and then he got into lawn mowers, chain saws… What else have you done?
Keith
Some like lawn equipment type stuff.
Rachel
The next step for us with him was…. hey, they have… the local state college has adult education classes. What if we call them and ask them if you could take those? Which is another thing I would never would have done. ’cause they’re for adults like…
Keith
That’s what it says.
Rachel
Yeah, and so we called them up and it didn’t take much convincing they were like, “Yeah sure, just bringing an adult. Well, they had to ask the instructor and the instructor was totally cool with it, because when he was a kid, he loved to do that kind of stuff.
Hudson
He raced go-karts
Keith
Yeah, yeah, he talked about a class a lot too.
Hudson
And his love of lawn mower racing.
Rachel
Yeah, so shout out to Mr. Blair, for taking an interest in Hudson in a letting him come to his class he totally encouraged it. Hudson learned a lot even I learned because we had to go to class with him, one of us.
Keith
And he was definitely learning him and one of us would have to be there. So, I’m remember how many weeks it was, but it’s like twelve. We were there quite a few weeks, I think I might have been there three weeks. And then you were there the balance of it, but I learned…
Rachel
I learned not to buy engines from . …
Keith
Oh, let’s not mention that … Maybe you should go to the small engine class of Mr. Blair and learn which engine not to buy. So we definitely are
Hudon
Learn his opinion on which engine not to buy.
Keith
His educated opinion. But definitely learned a lot in that class and definitely made him more confident.
Rachel
Right. And so, the next class is coming up and they already giving him permission to go to the advanced class. Who would a thought you can ask for that kind of stuff, right?
Other examples of ways we’ve done, this ….. even with this podcast. We have some guests coming up in the next few weeks who we would have never asked because like there they’ve got all these things going on and their
Hudson
Famous
Rachel
To us famous right – way above where we are, ’cause we’re just starting, but we just wrote sincere emails and said, “We’d love to have you on.” and some of them didn’t answer, but some of them did
Hudson
And some said no.
Rachel
Right, so it doesn’t hurt to ask.
Keith
And even we initially started that process if we would have thought nobody’s ever gonna say yes to this, if we had not set those emails, they definitely would not have said yes. It’s 100% proven, but because we sent them a percentage and honestly, in my opinion, a surprisingly large percentage actually have said yes, and have agreed to come on to the podcast and talk to our audience to you guys.
Rachel
And I think some of that also is your expectation of when you are asking. Are you expecting them to say yes?
Are you expecting them to say no? Because if you come in with an expectation of No, I think people can sense that and subconsciously even like… But if you’re anticipating I guess then they’re excited by your anticipation does that make sense?
Hudson
Yeah, yeah
Rachel
In my generation, a lot of young people were raised where to be seen in other… And You don’t… You don’t speak your mind, you just sit there quietly and listen to the adults which to some degree I agree with children should be respectful of adults, children shouldn’t talk over adults, but it’s almost like
Keith
It can go too far.
Rachel
We weren’t allowed to voice what we do have an opinion in it as an adult that I feel like that’s hindered me because I don’t feel like I can say what I feel, or what I want it.
And one day, when you young people grow up and get married, that’s gonna be important if you feel like you can’t say what you want.
So this is opening up your mouth and saying I would like this or I feel the need for this, it’s good for you, to learn how to do respectfully.
Not like demanding.
Hudson
I want this, give me this
Rachel
Right.
Keith
And that can affect a lot of areas of your life and can affect, if you’re married, it can affect your marriage as well, right? Because if, Rachel can’t ask something of me, or vice versa, then that’s a communication problem. And that causes problems when we cannot communicate.
Rachel
Right.
I think this whole… I think it’s a cultural thing too, in some cultures, it’s expected that you haggle. If you don’t know what haggling is, it’s like you go to the market and buy something and there’s a price for it when you ask the price but they don’t really expect you to pay that price, they want you to argue with them. It’s like a sport for them.
Keith
Right
Rachel
To sit there and argue with you and see if they can get you higher or you can get them lower.
I think that we’ve only recently consciously been doing this but I think we’ve been doing this for years in the past is like with like, you call your cable company, or your cell phone company and tell them, ask them, “Can you do any better sometimes say it sometimes. They’ll do it if they wanna keep you and they feel like it’s worth it,
Keith
Right
Rachel
We use an insurance alternative called Samaritan Ministries and it works a little different than insurance. It’s a group of thousands of members who pay each other’s bills, so when we go to pay our insurance, we just pay them in cash.
Keith
When we go to pay a bill. Like at a hospital or something like that. So when one of the kids was born, we would go make an arrangement with the doctor beforehand or the hospital. Like how much would that cost 10,000 dollars to have a kid, I don’t know, but we’d say, “Well we’re paying in cash and they’d be like, “Oh okay. It’s a 40% off.”
Rachel
If you pay before you leave the hospital after having the baby, if you pay before you leave the hospital, we’ll give you 40% off.
So we have a few 40% off babies discount children, so… So I wouldn’t just encourage you guys think about this, think about I know some of this doesn’t apply you yet, but as you get at older paying more bills you may not be using some all these principles yet as much ’cause you’re not having all the bills but you could try, you could try asking a teacher for something, or asking a parent for something.
What would be the guidelines to use?
When asking for things, I would say you need to be polite, always always don’t act entitled or that they must do this offer something in return if you can, you might be asking, Can I have a later curfew tonight? In exchange, I will
Keith
Take a nap tomorrow.
Rachel
Yeah, or go do the dishes for my sister or something. Do something in exchange. Be thankful when they do give you what you ask and if they don’t give you what you ask be gracious and kind, and you never know. Maybe later on if something would work out. Should you use this to just go around and ask for a bunch of stuff?
Hudson
No
Rachel
It’s not all about like Mom. Can I get a new car, Mom can I get new clothes? It’s not all about an accumulation of things it’s more about your growth as a person and learning to put out what you need, ask for what you need, and be accepting if somebody can’t provide what you need.
Keith
Right at that time.
Rachel
Yeah.
But learning to open up your mouth and voice what your needs will be important for you as you get older.
A lot of people just – they’re resentful because they’re not getting what they need, but they never asked.
Keith
So we haven’t really talked about this on the show but we’ve encouraged our kids to earn money on their own like Hudson doing small engine stuff as we ever talking about earlier or baby sitting or I don’t know, cleaning, whatever the different tasks may be. And really this ties directly into something like that.
So I can go to… If I were a kid I could go to my mom and say mamma yeah, I don’t know, I have no idea what kids are making for an allowance these days, so I may just completely mess this up.
I get 10 a week. Can you get me 15?
And I guess you could say that’s a closed mouth or an open mouth, that’s asking for something, right? But
Rachel
What are you gonna give in return?
Keith
Well, on the other hand, right, exactly, there’s no more responsibility, you’re not saying. Oh, mom. I’m gonna do X, Y, Z around the house in order to earn that extra money. But if you have your own business, if you’re doing your own thing to earn your own money it very much helps you to open your mouth and talk to people, right?
Hudson gets business by talking to people.
Rachel
Right, you’re always asking people for discounts aren’t you?
Hudson
Yeah, talking them down on marketplace and craigs list.
Rachel
And people know what the people know what they can most people know what they can go to right. Like they have it set in their mind, how low they’ll go.
If they don’t wanna go lower they’ll tell you. And you can say, “Okay I’ll take that or I can’t go that low. It’s not like, you’re not insulting, it’s not like, oh, they’re gonna be so upset at me if I offer less.
You’d be amazed at the people that are willing to help you if you just ask.
Hudson
Like last week, I said something about how I fixed mowers while I was buying a mower and he’s like, “Oh you want another old mower that I have.” I’m like, “Sure”. And that’s another example of…
Keith
And he then proceeded to go behind his house and dig out another mower that he gave to him for free.
Rachel
Right. So people, especially if they feel like you are out there working hard and you’re heading towards a goal, and you have purpose, and trying to better yourself.
They would love to help you.
They’ll do whatever they can do you.
So a challenge for you this week is to go out there and think of something that you need or want. Maybe you would like to learn how to play an instrument, but you don’t have money to get lessons maybe you could work a deal out with the guitar teacher to mow his grass or bake hime some cookieis or maybe babysit his kids, hundreds of different ideas that you could come up with ways to ask for what you want and make it a great transaction for everybody involved. So drop us a note after you decide what you’re gonna do and do it and let us know what you did. We’d love to read your story and maybe we will read it out loud on a future podcast, just drop us a note to podcast at raisingconfidentteens.com.
Hudson
If you really like us and you really wanna let the world know how much you like us… Give us review on is, The more reviews we have, the more visible our podcasts will become that helps others find us in a great community. A real building.
So remember to go out and Be Daring.
“Do or do not. There is no try.” ―Yoda